


Commander Spock and the Baby Name Crisis

by GiuGiu



Series: Itty Bitty Spaceman [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Baby Names, Daddy Issues, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Couple, Mommy Issues, Sort Of, Space Husbands, not mpreg, really bad baby names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 06:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15790941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiuGiu/pseuds/GiuGiu
Summary: “Hellgy. Like ‘hell’ mixed with ‘orgy’ how exotic! And we could use it for a girl or boy.” This time Spock does frown, almost imperceptibly, but Leonard notices it immediately on his coworker’s normally expressionless face.“Jim…” Spock begins, trailing off, his eyes searching his captain’s face almost frantically. Leonard is pretty sure Jim is joking but…Wherein Kirk has mommy issues and Spock has daddy issues which makes naming a baby harder than they had planned.





	Commander Spock and the Baby Name Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all. I hope you like it, there is a mild sex scene so beware.

"Lamorta."

"No."

"Bizito."

"No."

"Paradise."

Spock pauses to consider and Jim takes advantage of his silence to elaborate. "But spelled P-E-R-A-D-Y-S."

"No."

"Spoooooock, you're killing meee," Jim whines throwing himself backwards so that his torso hangs off the bed, his golden hair brushing the floor. Spock raises an eyebrow at his bondmate, exasperated. He had believed Jim to be a man of taste, but apparently this level of sophistication did not extend to baby names. Spock secretly fears that their child will reach his or her final growth parameter within the surrogation pod and Spock will still be fielding these outrageous names.

“You know,” Jim says, his cheeks and forehead flushed pink from hanging upside down, “you could suggest names too.” He flings his PADD at Spock without looking, almost hitting his husband in the face had Spock not been expecting it.

The Vulcan glances at the PADD, Jim had been perusing baby name forums again. “I have no pressing attachment to any particular name at this time.” Spock recites for the third time this week, he instantly feels guilt creep in as his beloved’s face shutters into something tight and cold. “But I will continue my search.” He promises. Jim’s face softens and it feels like a reward.

_ _ _

 

“What about Shithead?” Jim asks the next day as he watches his husband swim laps in the ship’s pool. Jim’s socks and boots are laid beside him as he dips his toes in Spock’s lane, Jim’s shift just ended and he had sought out his husband who seemed to be enjoying his day off. Well, as much as a Vulcan can openly enjoy anything.

Jim stares at Spock’s mussed wet hair as his bondmate ceases his swimming to respond. “Would I be correct in assuming this name is spelled identically to the Standard slur ‘shit head’?”

“...Yes.”

“Then I must reject this suggestion.” Spock’s already dipping back into the water to resume his strokes, missing Jim’s sigh of frustration.

_ _ _

 

Leonard was having a good day. His patients were listening to him. His nurses weren’t gossiping. And Jim and Spock’s baby just reached a growth milestone indicating that he or she would be ready for removal in a month. He finds the two parents-to-be in the cafeteria and makes his way towards them.

“Swilth.”

“No.”

“Riqueff.”

Spock barely keeps himself from making a face. “No.”

“Hellgy. Like ‘hell’ mixed with ‘orgy’ how exotic! And we could use it for a girl or boy.” This time Spock does frown, almost imperceptibly, but Leonard notices it immediately on his coworker’s normally expressionless face. 

“Jim…” Spock begins, trailing off, his eyes searching his captain’s face almost frantically. Leonard is pretty sure Jim is joking but… 

“Is that a suggestion?” Jim asks, perking up ridiculously fast. 

“It was not intended to be.” Spock answers and then looks to Leonard, as if to say ‘help me from this crazy person I’m married to.’

“The last thing we need on this damn ship is another Jim Kirk.” Leonard opts to say. “Stop torturing your hobgoblin with these shitty names. Your baby is due in a month, it’s time to get your act together.”

And with his happy news delivered, Leonard skips (read: walks normally) back to his office with only half of his usual scowl. 

_ _ _

 

“Fuck, Spock! Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jim moans as he rides Spock. His thighs working fast to raise and lower himself, accepting Spock inside him over and over and-  
“I love your dick. God, Spock, it’s so good. It’s so great. You have the best dick.” Spock can tell, by the increased senselessness of his mate’s speech that he’s approaching completion. Spock is too, a pressure building heavier and heavier in him.

But then, Jim stops. Spock lets out a whine unbecoming to his heritage.

“What about Richard?” He asks, piercing blue eyes suddenly finding him, pinning him to the damp sheets. Spock squirms in discomfort, still trapped inside his husband. “We could call him…” Jim grinds his hips down, pushing Spock deeper. “Dick.” Spock groans, in pleasure and frustration. Without warning he grabs Jim’s hip with one hand and the back of his neck with the other and swiftly changes their position so that he can be on top. Jim’s legs automatically finding their place around Spock’s hips.

“Please,” Spock murmurs into Jim’s mouth, pausing to kiss him deeply, “cease with these ludicrous names.” To keep his mate quiet he replaces his tongue with two fingers and resumes the pace Jim had set earlier.

Spock doesn’t notice Jim is acting strangely until they reach completion. This is the time Jim always insists on “cuddling”. But instead, Jim rolls over, facing the wall and goes to sleep. Now that the endorphins are beginning to clear from his mind, Spock realizes the increased mental connection he usually shares with his bondmate during extended periods of intimate contact was muffled as if Jim was blocking him.

Spock lifts himself onto one elbow, hand reaching for Jim to shake him awake. Desperate to ask for an explanation. But instead he only lets himself smooth Jim’s sweaty hair from his forehead before he rises to meditate. Perhaps looking inwards would help him identify and solve that which bothers Jim.

_ _ _

 

Nyota finds Spock in Science Laboratory 4. He had asked permission to leave the bridge to manage a time sensitive experiment. Nine hours ago. When she enters through the automatic doors her friend is too consumed in his work to even glance over.

So Uhura waits silently. Six minutes later, however, she loses patience and walks over to his workstation expecting to see vials of dangerous liquids or samples of rare flora.

Instead, Spock is staring at a PADD. A real-time sonogram on the screen projecting every twitch or shift of his baby in the surrogation pod. “You know,” she starts hesitantly, trying not to startle her friend, “you could just go visit them. It’s not like they aren’t stuck in a pod in medbay.” She watches carefully as his shoulders tighten slightly with tension. Finally, he turns to acknowledge her, his eyes, more human than others of his species, display worry and fear. It’s so clear, too clear, and it tells Nyota just how upset her friend is.

“I am failing in my duties as a bondmate and husband.” Spock whispers, voice breaking uncharacteristically. Nyota comes closer and pulls up a stool. Carefully, she places a hand on his shoulder and even though she knows his shirt should muffle an emotional feed she still projects calm, just in case.

“Spock,” she hesitates, unsure how to continue. “I’m sure that isn’t true. You love Jim, I know that, he knows that, the whole ship knows it, really.”

“And yet, Jim has been blocking our bond for five-point-eight days now. It is only logical to conclude that I have erred unforgivably. However, I am unsure how to mend this rift. Besides our mental connection, Jim has also ceased speaking to me outside of our duties.”

Nyota vividly remembers how disgustingly close her captain and commander were after they bonded. They would spend hours communicating psychically, staring into each other's’ eyes, and finishing each other's sentences. She also remembers three months after that when Spock had been thrumming with pride because Jim, as incredibly psi-null as the man is, had mastered the skill of blocking, allowing him privacy and the ability to protect his mind from psychic attacks. 

She never thought she’d see the day where the bond was the source of unhappiness between the two men.

“Well, I’m not an expert, but I would suggest apologizing,” Spock opens his mouth to protest “even if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for! Don’t give me that look, Spock.”

_ _ _

 

“Hey, baby.” Jim coos as he runs his hands over the surrogation pod, a smooth white container the size of a backpack, in medbay. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit you yesterday. I was busy on planet,” aka he and Spock were being held as hostages by an estranged alien government, but he isn’t about to scare his baby. “I missed you so much.” He plants a big kiss on the pod, he wants this baby so badly his entire body aches for it. 

“Get your mouth off my equipment.” Bones growls, coming to join Jim in medbay’s nursery. A room wholly unoccupied except by them because no one else on the ship is having a baby. Or as Bones once said ‘No one else is crazy enough to have a baby on a ship captained by a hair brained idiot.’ 

Jim smiles at his friend, “Did you ever think I would be a father, Bones?” With his finger, he traces random shapes in the pod, hoping his baby will feel the vibrations.  
“Jim, it wouldn’t surprise me if there were fifty blond, illegitimate Kirks running all over this galaxy.” 

“Har-har.” Jim rolls his eyes. “You know I always use protection Bones.” And Jim knows Bones knows this because the doctor was always shoving condoms in Jim’s cadet uniform pockets when Jim wasn’t looking. Leading to some very awkward conversations when Jim would attempt to grab his comm and would instead leak condoms like candy from a pinata. It also lead to some surprising nights. But those days are behind him, he’s going to be a dad.

The door slides open to reveal Spock. They haven’t spoken since that god awful mission yesterday, and they haven’t spoken off duty for three days. It’s torture. Jim would love to move on, stop blocking Spock psychically and verbally, and just play happy family with him. But that’s the whole problem, isn’t it?

“Jim, I would like to apologize.” His husband says softly, moving into a parade rest. Jim’s hands suddenly feel heavy with anticipation, he let’s them drop from the pod.

“For what?” And as lovely as the bond is, Jim really doesn’t need it to read Spock. Judging by the slight widening of his eyes, Spock hadn’t been prepared for this question. And now his husband is taking the smallest step forward, his hands coming up to reach for Jim’s own.

“No, Spock. What are you sorry for?” The Vulcan looks helpless. And Jim knows Spock doesn’t know. Knows without a doubt that Uhura is behind this apology. And instead of feeling pity, or sympathy like he might normally, he feels rage. “Dammit, Spock! Enough with this bullshit!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jim sees Bones make his escape from the room.

“Jim, I…”

“No. No excuses. No avoidance. If you are having hesitations about this baby tell me now. I’m not going to force you to be in this family. But you have to say something.” He quickly scrubs the tears from his eyes, now is not a time to appear weak.

“Jim, ashayam, I do not understand. What have I done to upset you?” 

“God, Spock.” Jim laughs darkly to hide a sob. “We’ve been getting ready for this baby for almost nine months! I had to pick the color of the crib. I had to pick the model of the surrogation pod. I had to pick out our baby’s entire wardrobe. And I thought ‘fine, sure, Spock’s just busy’ or ‘Vulcan’s don’t see the point in frivolity’ but fuck Spock! A name? A goddamn name? You can’t even give input on the name of our child? Why is everything left to me?” 

Jim backs up, his energy abandoning him, and bumps into the pod. Fuck, his baby is hearing this. They were already failing as parents. Exhausted and empty, Jim moves to sit against the wall next to the pod.

Spock is staring. And staring. And staring, until finally Jim looks up to meet his stare. And gets to watch his husband crack.

He doesn’t cry, or yell. But something inside the Vulcan shudders and crumbles. Jim blinks and suddenly Spock is kneeling in front of him. “Jim, I never intended to burden you. Had I known the pain and stress this caused you I would have never allowed this to happen.” He takes a deep shuddering breath, “Let me explain my actions.”

He seems to be waiting for permission so Jim nods.

“As a child, I observed that it was my father who made the decisions regarding my rearing. While he did occasionally consult my mother, he would, ultimately, have the final say. I believe he considered this a wise choice as my mother was considered an outsider on our planet, he took full control in an attempt to make me… normal.”

Spock turns to look up at the pod beside them. For a moment he pauses, as if he’s able to see the life inside. 

“The decisions he made for me were not always as beneficial as I believe he intended them to be. I never wished for you to feel abandoned in our pursuit of parenthood, Jim. I only wanted to… avoid taking actions that would alter my role in our child’s life into one reminiscent of my father’s.”

Aka, I don’t want to become my dad, Jim translates. And Jim gets that. But -

“My mom had to raise me by herself. Well. Until she, you know, didn’t.” Jim thinks back to that fateful day when his mother boarded the shuttle that would be her fresh start. Jim feels a hysteria start to build, his tongue feels loose and his throat stuffy. “It changed her. She couldn’t handle it and now I think I know why - Spock, I can’t do this by myself - I can’t -”

Spock closes the distance between them, taking Jim into his arms, pulling him closer and tighter until he’s in Spock’s lap. “Ashayam. I am sorry. I have no intention of leaving you to father this child without me. I will endeavor to increase my involvement in all matters regarding him or her.”

Jim inhales sharply and finally allows himself to burrow into Spock, releasing the tight hold over their bond and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely once more.

“You know,” Jim says minutes later, still within the comfort of Spock’s arms. “I’m still waiting to hear some baby names.”

_ _ _

 

Spock is on a mission. After their discussion in the nursery yesterday, he had promised Jim that he would compile a list of baby names. Jim would expect him to share the list at dinner.

He starts by reading through lists online. But the names feel… impersonal. He takes into account that this child will be one fourth Vulcan, as Jim had insisted it was Spock’s genetic material used with the Human egg they had obtained from the surrogation bank. Should the child’s Vulcan heritage be taken into account? It is impossible to know whether the child will have more Vulcan or Human features at this point so it seems more logical to choose a traditional Human name. After all, his mate is named James, a name dating back millenium on Earth. But Jim had not shown an interest in these names, and Spock wanted nothing more than to please his mate right now.

Spock was finding this process frustrating. 

After an hour of browsing lists and forums, Spock comes to the conclusion that he has no understanding of how someone chooses a name for a child. He decides to collect data on the subject matter.

He finds Nyota in the gymnasium, using a treadmill while filling out reports on her PADD. Her ability to multitask is something truly impressive. He moves to stand beside her. “Hi, Spock,” she murmurs without looking up.

He nods in greeting, not wanting to waste any time in collecting his data, he begins. “Nyota, I have a pertinent question to ask you, if you are amenable.” His friend nods, still not breaking eye contact with her paperwork.

“I am aware you have four nephews and two nieces. What are their names and what factors were used when choosing said names?” Spock folds his hands behind his back, preparing to analyze Nyota’s response. 

Nyota finally looks up, eyebrow raised. When Spock continues to look back at her, face devoid of hints, she shrugs and explains “All the people in my family have names that are based on the beauty of the nature around us.”

She then lists her nieces and nephews (Maua, Mlima, Bahari, Mto, Kubu, and Upepo.) Spock listens with interest but he is unsure if Jim would approve of names like this. It wwill be something to consider at a later time. For now, he needs more data.

Which is how he finds himself in the botany lab with Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu.

“Well,” Sulu says, trimming the excess leaves from a purple bush. “I met Ben at Demora Lake. It’s where we fell in love.” He pauses in his work to grab a spray bottle for the flora. “It seemed fitting to name her after a place we both have fond memories of.” 

Spock considers this, but he and Jim fell in love slowly while journeying through space. And they met in San Francisco at a disciplinary hearing. This method would not work for them.

So he seeks out Ensign Pavel Chekov, who is on the observation deck reading his PADD. Spock is aware that the ensign has a rather large family so it seems logical to question the man on the process his parents have undoubtedly undergone numerous times.

“Well, I have thirteen younger siblings, sir. And we are all named after great Russians. Let’s see there’s Catherine, Mikhail, Dmitry -” Spock let’s his attention drift, already discarding this naming method as a viable option.

Spock’s only other acquaintance on board who has a child in their life is, unfortunately, Doctor McCoy. Who, upon questioning, stares at Spock with such a blank face the Vulcan momentarily considers the possibility that he’s had a brain aneurysm. “You want to know about Joanna? Why?”

Spock hesitates, he has no desire to share about his current predicament. However, due to Jim’s close relationship with the man it is likely he will be told about it at a later time anyways. “Jim has tasked me with creating a list of potential names for our child and I am attempting to choose a method for generating these names.”

The doctor grunts and shuffles away. After a moment, Spock follows. “When Joanna was born, my grandma was sick. Parkinson’s.” He says, still walking away. After a moment Spock calculates the probability that the doctor’s destination is the nursery to be ninety-three-point-four-six-two percent. 

“Her name was Joanna?” Spock inquires as he follows Doctor McCoy into the nursery as he predicted.

“No, her name was Rachel. But her wife, my meema, was named Joanna.” The man walks to the pod and opens the control panel on the side to take diagnostic readings. “When my grandma saw Joanna she swore that she was the spitting image of my meema. I didn’t really see it but,” McCoy bites his lip, his eyes still looking in the direction of the switches and screens on the pod, but seeing something else entirely. “But she said my little girl was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and she was so sick… It seemed right.”

Spock nods slowly and turns his eyes to the pod holding his growing offspring. A name taken from a loved one. Not out of tradition, or grief, or debt. Just love.

_ _ _

 

At 1900 Spock presents Jim with a list.

Or more accurately, a single name. It was all Spock had been able to come up with. Jim looks at it and bursts into laughter, head thrown back, cheeks glowing. “Really, Spock? This?”

“Keeping in theme with your preference for unorthodox names, I was able to find one I believe our child could wear with pride.” Spock watches his husband’s lips tug into a smirk, blue eyes glowing.

“Assuming it’s a boy.”

“Yes.”

“You know I was joking with those names, right? I just wanted to make you come up with some on your own.” 

Spock did not know this. “I find that comforting. May I inquire what names actually interest you?”

Jim hums thoughtfully, leaning close to his Vulcan. His wonderful, doting Vulcan. “Nah.”

“Pardon?” Spock’s confusion brushes Jim’s mind seeking reassurance.

“I like this name because you picked it, Spock.” He places his hands on either side of his husband’s face and pulls him down for a chaste kiss. “I’m happy with that.”

Spock quirked an eyebrow. “There is a fifty percent chance the baby will be female.”

“Well,” Jim suppresses a giggle to maintain his manliness, “we can always use Hellgy.”

_ _ _

 

Two weeks later Jim and Spock welcome a beautiful baby boy into the world. Flushed green, with pointed ears, and soft fluffy brown hair. He’s plump in a way most Vulcan babies aren’t, and Jim can’t help but watch in amazement as Spock runs his long fingers over their son’s chubby arms, causing them to jiggle slightly. He’s perfect.

The baby’s psychic waves of amusement start to turn slow and sleepy. Spock places their son in his crib. Jim walks up to hug Spock from behind, loving the way his husband whispers “Goodnight, Tiberius.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know the Enterprise has a pool? I was looking at some blueprints they drew in 1973 and it lists a pool and a big bowling alley, crazy.
> 
> Also as a substitute teacher I hear a lot of weird names and Tiberius is really mellow in the long run. I'm sure Jim will call him Ty.
> 
> Please leave comments/kudos if this wasn't painful to read ;)


End file.
